Archive for the ‘Lovedare’ Category

Lovedare day 1 and 2

Thursday, March 10th, 2011

A few days ago, Allena and I watched the move Fireproof.  It looked kind of low-budget, and the acting was not great (it got better as the movie went along), but the message was powerful and hit very close to home for both of us.  The movie features a book called The Love Dare (a real book) that is designed to help couples draw closer together, whether their marriage is failing, or even if it’s in pretty good shape.  Allena and I decided to take The Love Dare.  Our marriage is stable, but routine.  I’ll be honest – it’s missing a lot of the spark it used to have, and I know we both want that back.  That’s my high level assessment anyway.  Allena may disagree ;).  We also decided the whole family needed to do this – modified somewhat for the kids of course, since there’s things that apply for spouses that don’t apply for siblings.  Ahem.

I decided to start blogging about this late, so my first post will have two days worth.

So, quoting from the lovedares website:

The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose to not say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.

I think day 1 went OK.  I don’t think I said anything negative.  I’m not sure I was all that positive – in fact I spent a lot of the evening reading so I didn’t speak much at all (a fault).  So far so good.

Day two states:

In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

I think day 2 went less OK.  I didn’t say anything negative, but again was not terribly positive.  I also failed to do an unexpected gesture.  I did suffer through calling hughesnet technical support, but I don’t think that counts.  I also agreed to learn how to milk the goats today.  This is something I have resisted thus far, but aside from being practical, it will allow Allena to travel to goat shows and other places and I think she appreciated that.  It wasn’t entirely selfless – we were discussing a trip that Dominic and I wanted to make together.  She got upset because she’s never really able to go off like that (understandable).  I offered to learn to milk so she would be free to travel, and so that she wouldn’t automatically resent my travelling.  It was probably unexpected.  It was an act of kindness in a certain light.  But I think day 3 is going to have to be a do-over of day 2.