Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

How cold is it?

Thursday, January 15th, 2009

There’s been a lot of talk of the cold hitting the nation over the last day or two.  It was about 5 degrees outside this morning when I was feeding/watering the livestock and the wind chill put it well below zero.  It was also a common subject of discussion around work this morning.  In light of that, I thought I’d post a little perspective on the cold – it’s an oldie but a goodie.

So, how cold is it to you?

+70 F (+21 C) Alaskans declare record heatwave.

+60 F (+15 C) Californians rise from hibernation and put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe!).

+50 F (+10 C) Canadians sweat. Miami residents turn on the heat. A nice day for a Wisconsin summer picnic.

+40 F (+5 C) You can see your breath. Siberians melt. Californians shiver uncontrollably. Minnesotans go swimming.

+35 F (+2 C) Italian cars don’t start.

+32 F (0 C) Water freezes solid.

+30 F (-1 C) You plan your vacation to Houston. Minnesotans put on t-shirts. Politicians begin to worry about the homeless. English cars don’t start.

+25 F (-4 C) Boston water freezes. Californians weep pitiably. Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming.

+20 F (-7 C) You can hear your breath. Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan vacations further south.

+15 F (-10 C) French cars don’t start. You plan a vacation in Mexico. Your cat insists on sleeping in bed with you.

+10 F (-12 C) Too cold to ski. You need jumper cables to get the car going.

+5 F (-15 C) You plan your vacation to Australia. American cars don’t start.

+0 F (-18 C) Alaskans put on t-shirts. Too cold to skate.

-10 F (-23 C). German cars don’t start. Eyes freeze shut when you blink.

-15 F (-26 C) You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects. Miami residents cease to exist.

-20 F (-30 C) Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof. Japanese cars don’t start.

-25 F (-32 C) Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver going. Green Bay Packer fans start wearing shirts.

-30 F (-34 C) You plan a two-week hot bath. The mighty Monongahela freezes. Swedish cars don’t start.

-40 F (-40 C) Californians disappear. Minnesotans button top button. Canadians put on sweaters. Your car helps you plan your trip south.

-50 F (-46 C) Congressional hot air freezes. Alaskans close the bathroom window.

-80 F (-62 C) Hell freezes over. Polar bears move south.

-90 F (-68 C) Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.


Thursday, December 11th, 2008

My kids (ok, me too) have spent many hours laughing at the pictures and captions to be found on  Today, Allena took a picture and added a caption to it for this website, and we need your votes to get it on the front page so that my kids can say “LOOK!  That’s MY cat and dog on icanhascheezburger!”  Here’s the pick – click on it to go and vote!

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

Chevrolet = Milk Goat

Sunday, September 14th, 2008

Ok, a dorky but funny observation I made this morning.  First, some background: 1) We own dairy goats, and consequently we drink goats milk.  2) My children have been learning some French words for fun.  3) This morning, we ate pancakes and my children asked me for some goats milk, in French.

That being said, the French word for “goat” is “chevre”, and the French word for milk is “lait” (pronounced “lay”).  So, when Dominic asked for lait du chevre, suddenly it clicked with me…if “lait du chevre” is “milk of goat”, then chevre lait would be “goat for milking” or “milk goat”.  Probably some Frenchman named Pierre Chevrelait (aka, Peter Milk Goat) immigrated to the US a long time ago and got his name mangled into Chevrolet.

All that is a bunch of BS I just made up, but phonetically, it’s fun to think that I own a 1991 Milk Goat Suburban.  :)  I may start calling it “The Goat” heh heh.

Got a good joke today

Saturday, July 26th, 2008

Catherine, a little girl in our old neighborhood, told me that she wanted to be President one day.

Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there with us and I asked Catherine, “If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?”

Catherine replied, “I would give houses to all the homeless people. ”

“Wow – what a worthy goal you have there Catherine. ” I told her (while both parents beamed), “but, you don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that. You can come over to my house and clean up all the dog poop in the back yard and I will pay you $5 dollars. Then we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out and you can give him the $5 dollars to use for a new house.”

Catherine (who was about 4) thought that over for a second and then replied, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop himself and you can pay him the $5 dollar.”

Welcome to the Republican Party, Catherine….

Caring co-workers

Thursday, June 5th, 2008

I don’t usually blog about work, because it seems like it can turn around and bite you on the butt if you ever say anything uncomplimentary. This is worth sharing though.

There are a couple of people that I work with that have been practical jokers. Recently they both went on vacation at the same time (coincidence). Here’s the payback:

Paul\'s cube

Brenda\'s cube