Reconversion

Many of you know that I’m an adult convert to Christianity (Catholicism specifically).  Probably what you don’t know is that I have periods where I wonder if it’s all true or not – where I feel very distant from God and my faith in general.  Ironically, sometimes I drift further from God when things are going badly, and sometimes I grow closer to God when things are going badly.

Lately, I’ve been having a bit of a re-conversion or renewal of my faith.  I’m sure that my recent problems with epilepsy and lack of sleep, and the many changes in lifestyle these things have caused have played no small part.  One of the things that has been an eye-opener for me in several was has been a blog I’ve been reading called “Conversion Diary” (there’s a new link in the sidebar for it).  This blog actually started out being called “The reluctant atheist”, and it’s about this lady’s conversion from atheism/agnosticism to Christianity and Catholicism.  Her story is quite different from mine, but she writes eloquently about a LOT of the same things I’ve struggled with since converting.  Her words have been eye-opening and timely in more ways than one for me.  I found this quote on her site today:

When I decided to stop talking about being “open-minded about religion” and actually open my mind to religion, I became a Christian. And when I set aside what I want to be true to seek what is actually true, I became a Catholic.

Catholicism just rings true to me.  I haven’t done nearly the reading or research that she has (but I’ve listened to a LOT of sermons from EXCELLENT priests – check out http://www.audiosancto.com) so my Catholic education has not been totally lacking.

I’ve also started reading “Story of a Soul” by St. Therese which has been excellent so far.  I frequently feel like a very un-holy person, like I’m just going through the motions and not even trying.  Maybe I don’t acknowledge the little things I do quite enough.  I hope to find more of the little things that St. Therese incorporated into her own path to holiness.  One analogy she put forth that I really like (paraphrasing here) is that the splendor of the rose and the lily do not diminish the beauty of the humbler daisy or violet.  When God looks at the daisy or violet and smiles, they don’t wish to be roses or lilies – they are simply glad that God has decided to look at them.  I don’t think I’ll ever be a “rose” to use her analogy, but I think I might be able to pull off “daisy”.

One Response to “Reconversion”

  1. Donna J. says:

    I really enjoyed reading your Reconversion entry. I now plan to purchase “Story of a Soul” as a gift to my husband (and myself!).