Beau Jackson

I went to see the neurologist today, and he believes I do have epilepsy and not Tourette Syndrome.  Which sucks to say the least.  I guess the evidence of the EEG was convincing enough to him, and hey…he’s the expert, eh?  So those scary phrases like “not a normal EEG” on the EEG report were every bit as scary as I thought they were.

So, no driving again for me, which is a major inconvenience since I was planing on going to Nebraska this weekend to pick up some dairy equipment.  Not sure how that whole thing is going to pan out now.

Conversely, there was some good news – I asked the neurologist about the likelihood of my seizures becoming worse or changing to where I actually do lose consciousness, and he said he couldn’t really garuantee anything but that it wasn’t all that common for them to change drastically.  So silver lining on that one.  It’s good to be hopeful anyhow, and that’s one of those things that was really bothering me.

It’s funny – I had kind of adjusted to the idea of epilepsy, and then when my general practitioner said it was Tourette Syndrome I was SOOOOO relieved!  And now I find myself having to adjust to the notion of epilepsy all over again.  You would think I’d be able to say “oh, well” to myself and revert to my former mindset, but it’s just not happening that easy.

The medication I’m on has been increased…it wasn’t doing anything to help (which I thought was a good indicator that it was not epilepsy).  Turns out I was on a “baby dose” to quote the neurologist.  Basically I was on the minimal dose for somebody my size.  So he more than doubled it – from 750mg to 2000mg per day.  I’m still supposed to let him know if that’s not working in two or three weeks.  Hopefully it’ll have some effect.

I have a lot of thoughts whirring around in my head, but I can really think coherently about it, let alone write.  I suppose most of it boils down to being very upset on an emotional level, but on an intelectual level I’m trying to be thankful to God for this.  That may sound a little odd…being thankful to God for giving me epilepsy (or allowing me to get it if you prefer).  There’s plenty to be thankful for – “at least you can walk” as Mike’s Dad would say, which is a profound way of looking at it.  Dealing with this has brought a lot of important things into focus though, and that’s what I’m really thankful for.  I think it’s brought some things into focus for my family too, which is good.

Anyhow, I have a lot to dwell on.  I’ll have to let you know how the trip to Nebraska does or does not go later.  :)