Beau Jackson

I had done quite a bit of posting – to air my worries as it were – but you know what?…it’s good to share the good news too.  Things seem to be getting a little better.

Elizabeth is definitely on the mend.  She does *not* want to lay around and rest, she wants to get outside and play.  She forgets that she’s still hurt, but gets the occasional reminder when somebody bumps her arm.  We keep telling her to go easy, but she must be using a different definition of “easy” than we are.  She has another appointment with the orthopedic surgeon today – I imagine she’ll have quite a few of these follow-ups to do x-rays on her elbow to ensure everything is mending correctly.  Very encouraging all-in-all.

My seizures are definitely coming under control.  Most days I have a handful (read: 10-20) of “shivers”, especially at the end of the day or during stressful times, but even if you were looking for them you’d never notice them.  I can feel them of course, but from the outside they’d be almost invisible.  I still have a bigger one once in a while but not daily any more.  Last Thursday (Friday? not sure), with the help of a couple of Benadryl, I slept through the entire night for the first time in about four months.  If you’ve never gone an extended period of time without a good nights sleep you don’t know how wonderful that really is!   I also got my blood tested last week to check the med-levels in it, so I hope to hear back on that today or tomorrow.  The doc may or may not increase my dosage depending on the results of that test.

I may still be on the emotional roller coaster – I may just be on an “up” part right now, but I’ll take it! ;)

Some friends came over to visit today.  I suspect there might have been some showing off going on.  Elizabeth decided she would try to ride Bridget (one of our dairy goats).

Now, I wasn’t there, and I didn’t see, but I do know Bridget.  She is a not what you would call “bucking stock”.  She’s very calm, and I imagine she just started walking.  However, Elizabeth is not exactly an expert bare-back goat rider and she fell off.

This was around 3:30pm today.  I’m now writing this post at 10:15pm from the side of her hospital bed.  She’s finally gone to sleep.  Poor thing keeps getting itchy spots on her face and she can’t scratch them because one arm is in a sling and the other has an IV in it.

Long story short – she broke off the lower part of her humerus (which is the upper arm bone), right where the lower arm bones connect to it.  That broken piece of bone also displaced.  So she had to have surgery to have it pinned back together.  Her arm is in a splint and sling for a couple of days and then she’ll get a cast.

We’re sure going to get that family deductible paid on the ol’ insurance policy this year, that’s for sure!

If you’re inclined to pray, prayers for Elizabeth’s speedy recovery would be appreciated!

…the medication is beginning to work.  The last three days have been very “light” days in terms of seizure activity.  Just what I call “shivers”.  None of the face-scrunching, shoulder-clenching stuff.  Today went really well – nothing at all until 2:00pm or so, then some very mild shivers.  I did have several “hard” seizures around 8:00pm which I assume is because I’m getting tired (being tired really triggers the seizures).

I feel like calling the neurologist and saying “crank up the dosage another 1000mg and lets get these suckers knocked out!”.  :)  That’s probably not a good idea, but I feel pretty optimistic all-in-all.

Yesterday was a good day for the most part.  Productive at work (that always makes me feel good) and I had two separate times where I felt “right”.  That’s a hard concept to explain.  Since I started having these seizures/tics/whatever they are, I have felt “wrong”.  But twice yesterday I said to myself, “I feel really good right now…I feel ‘right’”.

Today has not gone so well.  I was getting a ride to work with a co-worker, and that apparently isn’t going to work anymore.  Having to depend on other people to get around has got me pretty down.  For the first time in years I find myself wishing I lived in a larger city that had buses – and I really don’t care to ride the bus.

I went to see the neurologist today, and he believes I do have epilepsy and not Tourette Syndrome.  Which sucks to say the least.  I guess the evidence of the EEG was convincing enough to him, and hey…he’s the expert, eh?  So those scary phrases like “not a normal EEG” on the EEG report were every bit as scary as I thought they were.

So, no driving again for me, which is a major inconvenience since I was planing on going to Nebraska this weekend to pick up some dairy equipment.  Not sure how that whole thing is going to pan out now.

Conversely, there was some good news – I asked the neurologist about the likelihood of my seizures becoming worse or changing to where I actually do lose consciousness, and he said he couldn’t really garuantee anything but that it wasn’t all that common for them to change drastically.  So silver lining on that one.  It’s good to be hopeful anyhow, and that’s one of those things that was really bothering me.

It’s funny – I had kind of adjusted to the idea of epilepsy, and then when my general practitioner said it was Tourette Syndrome I was SOOOOO relieved!  And now I find myself having to adjust to the notion of epilepsy all over again.  You would think I’d be able to say “oh, well” to myself and revert to my former mindset, but it’s just not happening that easy.

The medication I’m on has been increased…it wasn’t doing anything to help (which I thought was a good indicator that it was not epilepsy).  Turns out I was on a “baby dose” to quote the neurologist.  Basically I was on the minimal dose for somebody my size.  So he more than doubled it – from 750mg to 2000mg per day.  I’m still supposed to let him know if that’s not working in two or three weeks.  Hopefully it’ll have some effect.

I have a lot of thoughts whirring around in my head, but I can really think coherently about it, let alone write.  I suppose most of it boils down to being very upset on an emotional level, but on an intelectual level I’m trying to be thankful to God for this.  That may sound a little odd…being thankful to God for giving me epilepsy (or allowing me to get it if you prefer).  There’s plenty to be thankful for – “at least you can walk” as Mike’s Dad would say, which is a profound way of looking at it.  Dealing with this has brought a lot of important things into focus though, and that’s what I’m really thankful for.  I think it’s brought some things into focus for my family too, which is good.

Anyhow, I have a lot to dwell on.  I’ll have to let you know how the trip to Nebraska does or does not go later.  :)